You went looking for the love of your life, didn’t you? You want to believe that she is with you purely because she loves you, right? She’s not with you for the money, is she? Despite all the stories you hear of Filipina gold-diggers who take up with men they don’t care about because of money, you are certain that your relationship isn’t like that, right?
Well, how could you possibly be certain when you’re sending her large amounts of money?
I had a client ask me the other day if there was a problem with him paying P30,000 per year for school fees, for contributing to the funeral of his father-in-law, and helping a sister-in-law who’s house was damaged in a typhoon. Of course there’s nothing wrong with this! In this case’s he’s married to the lady, and he’s in a position to help. So why wouldn’t he?
However we get others who send a thousand dollars or more every month, who’s ladyfriends stop working the moment they form a relationship. A thousand bucks may well be small change to an Aussie with a good salary, but it’s a lot of money in the Philippines, especially for somebody who would have earned less than 10,000 pesos a month before he came along! A thousand Aussie Dollars is worth between P42,000 and P45,000 by the way, and is probably 8 times what she was living on before. It means instant easy-life, with lots of shopping for fun and cute things. It also means your future in-laws are going to love you too, but for all the wrong reasons.
The big question:
Wouldn’t you prefer that she loved you for you and nothing else?
Think VERY hard before you throw money at a girl! If you think she won’t stay with you without you doing this, then good! Let her go! This is a big decision….THE “big decision”. You want to be 100% sure before you take the plunge. You want to be certain that she wants to be with you for you and for nothing else.
Many years ago when I was still looking for my own Filipina bride I had some advice from somebody who had been there and done that. He told me that years before he was writing letters to several Filipina ladies at once when he rang into some financial trouble. He wrote to all of them and told them of his problems. ONE lady kept writing to him. Guess who he married? Think about it!
Two scenarios here……both true stories:
“I’m nearly 70. My kids are all grown up. I own my own house, and I have plenty of money in the bank. I just want somebody to take care of me, and when I’m gone she’ll get the lot.”
He went to an SM mall in Manila, and told this story to sales ladies until he found one in her 20’s who was happy to go back to his hotel with him, jump into bed with him, and become his instant fiancée. It only took one day! A sincere and loving relationship? What do you think?
“I’m 64. My wife died. I have a big house in the country, and one in the city. Here’s a photo of my holiday home in Europe. I don’t need to work anymore. My kids have their own lives, and I’m so lonely.”
This man also sent her money a few times, the equivalent of several thousand dollars, supposedly for a tourist visa application that never eventuated. He pulled the pin when she kept requesting more money. She had bought a new motorbike and some fashionable clothes for her Filipino boyfriend, who didn’t mind the attention she was getting from her wealthy western admirer. At least he was smart enough to not marry her!
I contrast, when I met Mila, I was nothing like that. I arrived in Manila wearing my usual unstylish clothes. I needed a haircut. We didn’t head for the best hotel in town. I don’t believe I bought her anything in particular. No new phones. No laptops. No jewellery. We didn’t go to any flash restaurants. We stayed in a comfortable-but-ordinary resort in a place called Balogo in Cararines Sur. She actually paid for the airfares to from Manila to Pili (Naga), and I didn’t object. The first time I sent her any money at all was when we organised our visa, which was about 12 months later. If she was a gold-digger she would have given up on me a long time before!
How much different would things have been had both of these men not waved wealth around? They hooked gold-diggers because they used gold-digger bait! If they’d projected themselves as simple and ordinary men, the gold-diggers wouldn’t have hung around. It might have taken them longer, but they could have found themselves some good women.
Basically, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it! She and her family survived before you came along. If you didn’t come along when you did, they would have continued to survive. Don’t ruin her by tossing money at her. If she has a job, let her maintain that dignity. Turning her into a lazy lump who plays all day on the laptop you gave her, and only goes out to go shopping……you’re not doing her or yourself any favours.