Guest Post : Problems that Can Occur in the Long Term in Filipina/Western Marriages

courtesy of Ted – an old friend of mine………..

Hi Jeff,

I have read your new immigration site and it seems very good. All the advice on it is of course valid and I hope potential clients will take the time to think about everything before embarking on a life changing course of action.

After thinking about what you have to say for a couple of weeks, I would like to mention one or two points concerning problems which arise in long-term marriages with Filipinas. Admittedly, most prospective couples and those in early marriages, should be concentrating on all the issues you mention. These, as we know from forums and from personal experience, are truly the source of most major conflict and are rightly addressed as early as possible in the relationship.

However, once a marriage has lasted twenty-five to thirty years, perhaps even twenty years, these contentious issues will have reached a stable state; if they have not then the marriage would probably have ended long ago. It goes without saying that a “stable state” may be far from what you or I would consider ideal or even remotely acceptable. Nonetheless, beyond a certain point the usual major issues will have been resolved, even if such resolution falls considerably short of perfect.

At the present time I notice several unfortunate instances of two preventable situations in older Filipinas. The first concerns health. High blood pressure, high cholesterol, diabetes and chronic joint problems are very widespread among even middle-aged Filipinas here. Of course, it is a worldwide problem, but I suspect that social conditioning plays a very big role with Filipinas especially. The average Filipino eats a diet sodden with fat, sugar and salt, which ingestion is worsened by exposure to appalling Western influence.

None of them take exercise, let alone train. Indeed, it almost seems the less one has to move one’s body the higher one’s social standing. Despite rigorous conditions, my wife’s parents’ lived to ninety, as did many of their contemporaries. Life forced them to be physically active and they never overate; they couldn’t because they rarely had a surplus of food. I would be very surprised if any at all of their children reached ninety. While it might be a quaint custom, the incessant copious eating of white rice is a wonderful foundation for diabetes. As you mention, there is probably no way a Filipina will stop eating it, but brown rice, basmati rice and brown breads are a much healthier substitute. Again, there is this absurd social notion that anything white is somehow superior, and brown rice and bread is for poor people, and this fallacy is a major obstruction in getting a Filipina off white rice.

Exercise appears to almost court ostracism. It seems a mark of achievement that Filipinas do as little as possible, regard inactivity as a virtue, even to the ludicrous extent of having maids and servants. These are very deep social mores, supremely difficult to root out. Indeed, a new husband probably sees no reason to do so. He wants to shoulder burdens and be a traditional husband in the type of marriage not often seen in the West nowadays. On closer thought, however, the truth is that he also has a higher duty to preserve his wife’s health into the distant future. After all, the age gap in most Filipina marriages means the wife will almost certainly be left alone at some point.

This fact brings me to the second problem – an alarming incidence of conditioned helplessness and cultivated ignorance in Filipina widows. One would think that over twenty or more years of cohabitation, a dutiful husband would have had the decency to see his wife knew the skills necessary to exist in Western society. Sadly, in most cases, this is not so.
Most of them cannot change a tap washer. Most do not realise that a signature is binding and that every document must be understood first. Many do not understand about probate, about wills, and in most cases actual will content appears not to have been discussed at all between wife and husband. The widow is left vulnerable to marauding relatives (how quickly the overseas vultures start to circle the kill !) and, in a depressed emotional state, becomes easy prey to manipulative men wanting anything from a quickie to a convenient doss house. I know because I have seen it, I have had to sort it out, and it annoys me immensely because it is totally unnecessary.

I repeat that I think your list of problems and so on is brilliant and far superior to all the rot that is talked about on most of the advice forums we’ve seen. I am sure you don’t mind my mentioning these two serious issues, which concern the distant future, something hardly any couples even want to think about never mind discuss. Believe me, it’s important though.

All the best to everybody,

Ted.
__________________________________________________________________________
Ted is an old friend of mine whom I’ve known for probably more than 15 years. He has more than 30 years of marriage to a Filipina under his belt. I thank him for his willingness to share his insights with our readers and clients.

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Jeff is registered migration agent who has been helping couples with visas to Australia ... Jeff is the owner / operator of Down Under Visa. If you would like to SUBSCRIBE, please click HERE.

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9 comments on “Guest Post : Problems that Can Occur in the Long Term in Filipina/Western Marriages
  1. Melly says:

    Whenever we are having a party my filipino wife treats be like a cleaner and doesn’t involve me in the planning and organisation in parties at home including our daughters recent birthday party

  2. Melly says:

    We have been married for 9 years & her brother has been living with us for 5 years. Now I have demanded that while around me speak english since when speaking to each other they always speak in tagalog which is a language I don’t understand or speak. My wifes response was “no, you are insecure. I want a divorce”. Ive had enough of being talked around, rather than to so I will not negotiate

  3. Jeff Harvie says:

    A marriage should always have give and take

  4. Jakejakejake says:

    I can really identify with the wife speaking n their lagyage. I have been married to a filzpino for 30 years, q0 years ago her daughter and husband and two biys came yo live with us. For the first 5 years we support c t hem co pletely paid all their exp ed nses, gave them run of t he house p a d t heir bills bought them both czrs. Sent the boys to school. They both sleep 12-14 hours a day. They are both college ecucated, fir 5 years the couldn’t even get hired at Walmart or macdnalds. Five yrs ago t hey went to work when t h e notion hit t h en to Wark zt a tenp, here 1 yrs lzter, the just started pain the electri bill.. our house us a pig pen , my if gives then everything g, sorry to ram k but I’m 83 and feel like an intruder in my own home, my wife was wonderful and we were so happy till they cane to live here,.that’s lije. Neverthought I’d end thus wzy,mi

  5. Jakejakejake says:

    Thus is jake, sorry about the typing, I’m 83 and eyesught is nit god, thanks fr reading.

  6. Bernie says:

    Hi I want ask if you know what you think about this I have being writing to a Philippines girl for 3 weeks and she wants to come to Australia to see me she works in China I told her when she go’s back to the Philippines I will come and see her but she insists on coming here its not the first girl others too want to come right here and they say they will pay there own air fare one was so instant on coming they really don’t who I am the one I am writing to is 33 and I am 58 I tried to talk her out of this because of age but she says she wants to marry me age is nothing to her can you tell me what are they up too thanks

    • Jeff Harvie says:

      I won’t delve into relationship advice, as that’s not what we do. You need to work out for yourself if the lady is the right lady for you or not. I will tell you that you won’t get a visa for her if you haven’t met in person yet.

  7. Got the same problem. My Filipino wife never worked out in her entire life and she cannot let go of eating white rice and large amounts of sweets as well as drinking tons of coca cola and other sodas.
    I’ve tried out all kinds of motivational strategies but no one seems to work. We have a great relationship but as far as her approach to health-related matters we just cannot see eye to eye.
    I love my wife and I would like to see her adopt healthier habits but the cultural conditioning that keeps her stuck in her habits is too strong.
    Even her family doctor in the Philippines has similar eating habits so it is really a deeply entrenched cultural thing.
    Thanks for your article

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