Thoughts of the good and loyal woman – the ideal Filipina wife – have had me thinking over the last few days. I have an old mate from NZ whom I’ve known for……no idea. 16, 17, 18 years or so. I used to run an online advice forum many years ago when I was first involved with Filipina ladies, and Ted was one of my fellow moderators. Sensible and logical man, with a long-standing marriage to a Filipina lady. Well, he sent me photos of his grandson the other day. Been married to Raquel for 38 years! A bit more than most of us.
He used to tell me some really amazing stories about his wife’s family in the Philippines, and the ends they went to trying to extract money from them. And he had and still does have some choice stories of men he knows who married real gold-diggers who put the needs of family in Philippines first and their marriage second.
A loyal Filipina wife – the essential basis
There are a million expressions out there about loyal wives, and how they can either make or break a man. And gentlemen, wasn’t that one of the factors that steered us toward the Philippines in the first place? The stories of the decent, family-oriented Filipina ladies who weren’t man-haters who would run to the divorce lawyer at the first sign of how “the magic had gone” from the marriage? That being the case, why do so many end up with women who put the family in the Philippines first? Where’s the loyalty in that??
I can remember a friend of Mila’s in Hong Kong. I met her before Mila and I married. She told Mila she didn’t like me, because I wanted to know what was going on! Her idea of the ideal “foreigner” was the one who kept his mouth shut and his wallet open! Her plan was to marry a western man, and that they would both work. His salary would take care of her and any children she had with him, and hers would go straight to the family. She was pretty, but my goodness! Happy to say she never married a white fellah, and ended up in the provinces with a local chap.
Mila? First job in Australia? Told me of all the plans she had for new curtains etc in our home! And to this day, she is actually less generous to her family than I am! They all learned long ago that her response would always be “I’ll talk to my husband about that, and we’ll let you know.” Either that, or she just ignores the request and I never even know about it if it’s really unreasonable.
And yes, I feel incredibly lucky…..as I should. No doubt Ted feels exactly the same, and has no regrets at finding his good woman all those years ago. I envy nobody at all! She has my back absolutely. She understands me. She believes in me. She spoils me rotten, no question. My best friend, and my soulmate. But whilst I know how lucky I am, isn’t it just plain reasonable to expect this as a basis for a good marriage and a good life?
Marrying the whole Filipino family
I detest this expression, because it’s used for the wrong reasons. This is the one that men with DIS-loyal Filipina wives use as a justification of their predicament!
Yes, they are her family, and she will always love them and care about them. It’s also a country full of poverty and without those safety nets that Aussies take for granted. Get sick, and you don’t have a Medicare card. No Health Care Card if you are on a pension, and there are no standard pensions or “dole” that people can fall back on like Australians come to expect. No one should expect her to sit back and let her family wallow in misery, obviously. What I’m talking about though is the share-the-wealth mentality that says if one family member strikes it rich, everyone gets to share. Nonsense!
It may surprise many an Aussie that it’s not just Australian husbands in Australian Filipina relationships who run afoul of the disloyal Filipina wife who puts her Filipino family first. This even happens within Filipino marriages. We have a few family members who have wives who’ve spent their working lives supporting lazy siblings. Some have ended up at the end of their working lives with nothing, and there are others who have some nasty little surprises waiting for them when they get their very last pay packet!
My best advice is to set your standards high. Loyalty is a reasonable request. Give your wife your total loyalty, and expect the same in return. Wives, please do the same. Let your relatives know where you stand, and that it’s side by side with your husband as you should. They will have no choice but to accept it. If they get unpleasant, distance yourselves. You have each other, and that matters most of all.