What NOT to do
Finding a good Filipina wife without the headaches
There are many traps for new players. Whilst this isn't an exhaustive list of warnings, it will at least help you to get over the first hurdles. I'll cover two sides of the bad-news areas you need to know about. Bad girls....and bad boys!
Bad Girls
Filipinos in general seem to fall into two distinct categories, and rarely seem to fall in between. Shades of grey are rare. MOST Filipinas are wonderful, sincere and honest girls. But some are rotten to the core. And it all comes down to money. There are girls working in shops and market stalls in the Philippines earning around P4,000 per month. That's around AUD$90.00, depending on exchange rates. A top-notch secretary working for an attorney may earn P10,000. So yes, YOU are rich! Get that firmly in your head. Whilst only the Jamie Packer's in Australia need to watch out for gold-diggers in Aussie society, you need to watch your back. You WILL be a target.
And even the nice girls will find you an appealing catch, and there's nothing wrong with this. We all want a good life for ourselves and our kids (or future kids), don't we? Why are you looking in the Philippines? It's because you want the best, right? Well, so do they! But there's a difference between wanting to have kids with a man who can afford to feed them and downright exploitation.
And the issue is MONEY! Solution?? Don't offer any! Don't discuss it! Don't wave it around! Simple as that! If a girl discusses her needs for money, then watch out! If she goes on and on (beyond simply letting you know about her family and how they live), then watch out. ANY requests for money, then run like hell! Beware of sob-stories about sick little brothers, parents who need operations, college fees that must be paid urgently or they'll fail their studies, rent that must be paid! She survived for all these years before you came along, didn't she? Don't play knight in shining armour!
And one advantage of the "chat" world we live in now is that a gold-digger won't stick around a mine that doesn't pay off! She'll wander off and find another willing victim. She could have a dozen yank "fiances" believing her stories and paying for new glasses for the buffalo in the time it takes to build a relationship with you. If you're writing letters and emails everyday, and expecting some substance in return, then Miss Gold Digger will soon come unstuck, or just lose patience with you.
And watch out for overly flirtatious stuff. Watch out for suggestive and heavily sexual stuff. Old-fashioned girls don't act like that. Bar girls do, and girls who want to hold your interest because they're setting you up for a scam will do this.
And whilst the following is just generally good advice regarding communication, it is a good way to sift out dishonest girls!
Now, remember what I said about letters and DEEP communication (versus shallow "chat")? Set a high standard for what you write (paper or email), and write about real things. Write about who you really are. Tone down the romantic cutesy stuff. Put some depth into it. Tell her all about you, and about your life, thoughts, feelings, hopes and dreams. Tell her your strengths, your faults, your fears and your worries. What have you got to lose? If she doesn't like who you are, then good! You can move on and find someone who does!
And expect the same standard in return. TELL her that. Ask leading questions. Ask questions that require an honest answer. ie. don't say "I love kids! Do you love kids too?", otherwise you may just get the answer that may please you. Ask her what she feels about kids (or whatever else it is you want to know)? Ask questions that require more than a yes/no answer. Do this, and you'll soon be on your way to a truly honest relationship.
Bad boys
Yes, boys can be bad too. And by "bad", I mean getting into the "commodity" thinking. Whilst it's necessary to do a bit of generalising about "what Filipinas do", etc. you must never lose site of the fact that Filipinas are human beings like the rest of us. You wouldn't choose a wife in Australia like a product off the shelf in the supermarket, would you? Despite the fact you can select a pretty face from a website or from an introduction agency, you're not "choosing one".
I'll give an example in the form of a "names removed" email enquiry I had the other day (I'm a migration agent) which demonstrates what I'm trying to say:
How can we help you: I will be travelling soon to the Philippines to meet some women with a view to marage. Of course I want to bring themback here.
Having heard all sorts of horror stories, are there any obvious "red flags" I should be looking out for with the women or their families that would make a visa difficult?
My response: Hello ****,
You're meeting "some women"? Not one woman in particular?
If this is what you're doing, you're still a long way off marriage. And if you do any less, you'll be selling yourself short.
Basically whether you're looking for a life-partner in the Philippines, or in Australia, the principle is the same. You're deciding if you want to spend the rest of your life with this person. If you choose between woman A, B, C or D, you still probably won't meet your soulmate.
Do you get what I mean?
That's my honest advice. What you do has no effects on my business at all. I hope it helps. There is unfortunately some dreadful advice out there, and advice to go and meet a number of girls and choose the best one, this is not the way to a happy future. If one of these girls hasn't touched something deep inside you and made you want to find out more about her, then I'd say none of them are right. And you're better off looking for a much longer time until you find one who makes you do a double-take and think that this could be the future mother of your children.
And if this happens, and you wait until you have a solid relationship happening where you have no doubts at all, then you won't have to watch out for traps. No different to meeting a girl here in Australia. Yes, there are cultural differences, but scratch the surface and it's just a man and a woman there. If you don't have ONE girl to visit whom you have no difficulty trusting, then you have a lot to watch out for. Even if she's not dishonest, you'll end up miserable and living with a virtual stranger in a few years. I've seen it happen, and it's very sad....especially when there are kids.
My advice? Don't rush in. You shouldn't be choosing between anyone. You really should know already.
As for visas, you can't just bring someone back. When you have a relationship with one woman which has developed over time, then you have grounds for applying for a fiancé visa. If you go and pick out your favourite from a group of girls, your application for a visa will fail. They're very strict, and need solid evidence of a relationship that has developed over time.
I think my point is made here? Don't try to romance a group of women at once. It's not the way a gentleman treats ladies, and one of these may be your future wife! If by chance you REALLY can't communicate well by email or letter and you wish to meet a number of girls, by all means do. But don't try to choose a bride on that trip. Keep it as a meeting-only, "dating" trip. But no honest and sincere person I ever knew had a problem in letting a relationship form over a distance, and most of us were 99% certain before we went over to visit. Don't treat these girls like cattle in a parade. Your final results will be a reflection of the efforts you put in. And you'll have some miserable and lonely years to regret the shallowness of your efforts otherwise.
